Movie Review: "Rock of Ages"

DISCLAIMER:  I have not seen the stage musical of the same name, so, if my review indicates a certain ignorance, it's more than likely due to that.

Every now and then, someone gets a wild AquaNet hair up their ass and decides to do something relating to 80s nostalgia.  And sometimes it's so profoundly retro it hearkens back to Jim Breuer's SNL character Goat Boy bleating "Do you remember the 80s? I doooo!"  In 2010, one had to look no further than "Hot Tub Time Machine" to get an 80s fix.

"Rock of Ages", based on the smash hit Broadway musical, is such a movie that will either make you yearn to remember the 80s or make you begin the long arduous process of forgetting the era again.  Fairly cleverly weaving huge rock hits from such bands Bon Jovi, Def Leopard, Poison, and Boston into a familiar story of love, fame, and rock-and-roll, "Rock of Ages" is a movie that ain't nothing but a good time.

Set in 1987 Hollywood, we see three stories weave the tapestry that is this movie:  young country gal Sherrie   (Julianne Hough) gets off the bus with big city dreams of becoming the next rock goddess (or at least a singer in general), and, with the help of beer back Drew (Diego Boneta), gets a job at the famous/notorious Bourbon Room, where many bands have gotten their big breaks; meanwhile, the Bourbon Room owner Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin) and his rock junkie assistant Lonny (Russell Brand) are trying to stay afloat in the midst of rock possibly becoming a dying genre...and the smear campaign against the Bourbon Room, spear-headed by Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones), wife of Senator Mike Whitmore (Bryan Cranston), both of whom are trying to clean up the streets of L.A. for the future generations; and legendary rock band Arsenal, fronted by the imfamous rock god Stacee Jaxx (Tom Cruise), is playing their last show before Jaxx goes solo at the advice of his manager Paul Gill (Paul Giamatti), signifying the end of the era.

You, of course, can start to guess what happens from here:  Drew has to choose between fame and love, Sherrie has to find who she is, Stacee Jaxx has to come to terms with who HE is, and Dennis and Lonny have to put all their eggs in one basket to ensure their club is still a safe haven from rock against the Bible-thumpers who want nothing more to see the club burned to the ground.  Of course, all to the tunes we all remember (for better or worse) from the hair band days.

Director Adam Shankman (2007's "Hairspray", "Bedtime Stories"), along with screenwriters Justin Theroux ("Iron Man 2"), Allen Loeb ("21"), and Chris D'Arienzo (the writer for the stage musical "Rock of Ages"), do not reinvent the wheel here, but make you remember why the wheel is good.  While Shankman's direction lights the stages, fuels the pyrotechnics, and makes every shot count, the screenwriters do nothing more than pay homage to what some still argue as the best time for rock music with a premise that, yes, is old as time itself, but still endearing.

Of course, the performances are the key to a musical like this, and "Rock of Ages" supplies many good ones.  Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, and Paul Giamatti are, as usual, golden here (and who knew Baldwin and Giamatti could sing?).  This movie will more than likely do for the careers of Diego Boneta and Julianne Hough what 2008's film adaptation of "Mamma Mia" did for Amanda Seyfried's career:  give them the breakthrough they need to make it.  Like Seyfried, Boneta and Hough have a lot of potential acting talent and a lot of singing talent, and should have no problem finding stardom after this (let's just hope they make better movie choices than Seyfried did, though).  Catherine Zeta-Jones and Bryan Cranston are great together and great on their own in this movie.  It's too bad they weren't given a lot of screen time to actually show how great they were.

The scene stealer, though, is Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx.  It's like they put a wig on him, inked him and dressed him like Axel Rose, and told him to act like Gary Busey.  It's incredible.  The bizarre, surreal things that come out of Jaxx's mouth are accented by Cruise's flawless performance as the flawed rock icon.  What could have easily been ruined by a far-lesser actor, the role of Jaxx is solidified by Cruise, whether he's self-medicatedly stumbling around (while still maintaining that massive rock star swagger, by the way) or amazingly belting out songs like "I Wanna Know What Love Is" or "Pour Some Sugar On Me", a song I admittedly hate, but somehow works here while in the context of displaying Jaxx's arrogant and over-the-top stage personna.

It almost seems that Shankman's adaptation of "Hairspray" five years ago has since made the Summer musical a tradition almost every year during the Summer, continuing with such movies like "Mamma Mia", "Hamlet 2" (both in 2008), and "Get Him To The Greek" (2011).  Though "Rock of Ages" is more along the lines of "Mamma Mia" and 2007's "Across The Universe", where they take songs that are already in existence and try to put them into the context of the movie's plot.  Where "Mamma Mia" and "Across The Universe" take far too many liberties and force a song to fit in (painfully so with "Across the Universe"), "Rock of Ages" feels a bit more organic -- probably because it takes from an era of music rather than one artist's collection of work ("Mammia Mia" with ABBA, "Across The Universe" with The Beatles).  And while there are times when you wish better music would've been chosen (I can let Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand singing "I Love Rock'n'Roll" slide, but "We Built This City (On Rock and Roll)"?  Really?), in the end, the movie is still the perfect blend of rock and tenderness to help you leave the theater with a smile on your face.

***PARENTAL WARNING***

Unlike "Hairspray" or "Mamma Mia", this film is NOT for young kids.  This movie embodies all things rock and roll, and that includes all the sex.  A lot of it.  Singing strippers.  Bryan Cranston dominated by a political aide.  Shooting Tom Cruise through a woman's legs.  Two men serenading each other to "Can't Fight This Feeling" before kissing.  Consider yourself warned.

FINAL VERDICT:  "Rock Of Ages" doesn't bring anything new to the table, but it certainly fills you up and allows you to leave happy.  Sure, it doesn't provide Christopher Nolan-like depth (or pretend depth like "Prometheus").  But if you were looking for depth in a movie where Tom Cruise wears a crystal demon head codpiece and belts out "Wanted Dead Or Alive", you're sadly banging on the wrong jukebox.